


can i make it any more obvious?

by thefaultinourships



Series: crack fic collection [2]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, POV Multiple, and that's only if my thoughts for this timeline is correct, i guess, it makes me laugh, lol this fic does not have any serious tags, oh i guess tag for, this fic is a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 07:35:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21352582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefaultinourships/pseuds/thefaultinourships
Summary: BITE ME, JASPER!The sign is hard to ignore and not so easy to read when it’s being waved wildly by some girl, Maria notices. When she looks harder, she swears she recognizes her.“She always was weird,” Jessica chirps into her ear.(or: a sk8er boi au that no one but me wanted or asked for)
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Jasper/Maria (unrequited)
Series: crack fic collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539202
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	can i make it any more obvious?

**Author's Note:**

> look, ever since i heard this song randomly in a throwbacks playlist, all i could think of was this weird high school alice and jasper and maria fic. please, just let me live and don't point out the technicalities in this. thank you. now please enjoy this completely self-indulgent fic.

**Past…**

She watches as he hesitates by his locker, trying to time his walk over to her, she assumes. He’s brave, she has to admit, if he plans on going over with all her snooty friends still around. She slowly puts another book inside her own locker, watching.

He closes his locker, takes a deep breath and then walks over to the small – even for her age – girl, surrounded by her group of friends. They don’t seem to notice him. After a minute or so he finally clears his throat.

“Maria,” he says quietly, making them aware of his presence. One of her friends taps her on the shoulder, pointing. 

The girl, Maria, turns and Alice watches as she looks him up and down.

“What?” she finally asks.

“Um, I was just wondering,” he starts off slowly. One of Maria’s friends snickers. “If you’d like to go out. With me. Sometime.”

She watches as both of Maria’s best friend, turn eagerly to each other, hiding laughs behind their hands. Maria takes a while to answer, and when she does, her heart sinks.

“Look, Jason-”

“Jasper,” he corrects quietly.

“Yeah, whatever. Jackson,” she flicks her long hair over her shoulder. “I don’t remember ever having a conversation with you, but if I ever did something to make you think I liked you, I’m sorry. But, yeah, no. Sorry.”

From her spot across the hall, Alice can see Jasper push his tongue against the inside of his cheek. A habit he does when he’s flustered, she’s figured out.

“Right,” he says. Then, unceremoniously he turns and walks away.

“See you later!” she calls.

He doesn’t look back and immediately, all of Maria’s friends start gossiping amongst themselves.

“What a freak,” one says.

“Do you even know him?”

“He’s so tall.”

Alice watches Jasper start walking faster away from them. She spares one last look at the group and is startled to see that Maria is still watching Jasper’s retreating form. Quickly, she shuts her locker and fast-walks so she can catch up to the taller boy.

“That’s too bad,” she says in what she hopes is a sympathetic tone.

He seems surprised to see her beside him, but he nods, nonetheless. The only sign he even knows that she witnessed him getting rejected is the slight flush to his neck. “Thanks, Alice.”

He continues on his way down the wall, and Alice stumbles to a stop. One, because she has to turn here for her next class. But mostly, because, well, she didn’t even know he knew her name.

With a smile on her face, she skips on down to her next class. She gathers a few odd glances, but pays them no mind.

She’s always been weird. Always will be, too, most likely.

Being normal is so overrated anyway.

.

Alice watches as he walks into the cafeteria, with nothing on his tray but a banana. As usual.

_That’s good_, she thinks. Potassium.

She looks at her own cafeteria mush and think she may have made the right choice. She pushes it around, but is startled when a bag falls down on the bench a little farther from her. She looks up to find Jasper sitting diagonal from her. He looks up the table in her direction.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Alice eyes him and the quite large space between them. “All yours,” she says.

For the rest of lunch period, she tries to focus on making her lunch mush taste as appealing as possible, but is having no such luck. Plus, she keeps getting distracted by Jasper, because, well, he’s _Jasper._

Currently, he seems to be doodling some sort of logo.

_100 monkeys_ it seems to be trying to say.

“That looks cool,” she comments, probably looking more than a little snoopy, craning her neck up to see it in all its glory.

“Thanks, but I can’t really get all the components to fit so it all goes _together_, you know? As one piece.”

“Gotchya,” she says. She bites her lip. “Can I see it? Just real quick,” she rushes at the end when he gives her a slightly perturbed look.

Still looking a little wary, he slides the sketchpad down to her end of the table anyway. Quickly, she opens the book so she can use a blank page while still being able to see how he was trying to go about it before. She quickly copies what he has drawn already, tweaking some things here and there, and adding in something that resembles a monkey’s tail hanging from the top part. She slides it back to him, feeling shy all of a sudden.

“Alice,” he says, and her heart flutters a little. “This is really good. Can I show the rest of the guys this?”

“Of course,” she chirps. “What’s it for, by the way?”

“Oh, I’m in a band. Sort of,” he tacks on.

She already knew this. She remembers a few months ago he and some of his friends had handed out flyers in front of the school. She hadn’t been able to go because she had had to babysit her sister.

“That’s cool,” she says.

.

“Alright everyone, pick a partner.”

Alice waits, like usual. In a few minutes, she’ll probably be assigned the last person by default. When she looks up, she’s surprised to see there are three people who seemingly don’t have partners yet.

Maria, who doesn’t seem to be paying much attention, seeing as she’s doing her nails – complete with a set of clear coat . Alice rolls her eyes.

A boy named James who, other than his name, Alice hasn’t paid too much attention to this year.

And Jasper.

As if sensing she’s fated, to either end up with the boy she shut down just weeks ago, or the one the class calls the _anti-Abercrombie model_ behind his back, Maria looks up from blowing on her nails and throws Jasper a _look_.

Alice resigns herself to working with James. Other than his slight unappealing smell, he’s not _so _bad, she tries to convince herself. She taps her pencil on her desk and watches as a pair of brown cowboy-looking boots appear under her desk.

“Partner?” Jasper asks.

Alice can almost feel her heart explode in her chest and then up through her mouth. She hopes she’s smiling and not puking.

“Sure.”

She almost misses the look of incredulity on Maria’s face from across the room. She sticks her tongue out at her, though, and laughs when she sees the girl’s nose scrunch up when James approaches her.

.

They’ve been talking more lately, ever since That Day They Became Project Partners Emphasis On _Not_ Life Partners. Yet.

“You should come out tonight. It’s our first big performance.”

He looks cute when he’s shy, she thinks. Then again, he always looks cute.

“I’d love to!” She tries to sound a bit more nonchalant when she asks, “Where is it?”

Jasper clicks his pen. “Paper?”

Feeling bold, Alice offers her hand, palm up. Other than a little smirk, Jasper doesn’t comment or question and just starts dragging the pen slowly across her hand. Her hand tingles both from the sensation of the point and the feeling of his hand holding hers.

“If you come early, maybe I’ll come get you and introduce you to the rest of the band,” Jasper says. And then he _winks_.

The teacher walks in then and Alice has never been more grateful because as soon as Jasper’s back is to her, she slides down in her seat and becomes a puddle.

She resists any urge to curl her hand at all for the rest of the day for fear of smudging any of the letters written on it.

.

Her first Definitely Not a Date with Jasper goes something like this:

He picks her up in his car – he has a car! – and he takes her to a movie. Halfway through they both decide the movie is a bit of bore – it was about some moody vampire who falls in love with a human. Crouching down, while trying to carry their popcorn and drinks, they leave the theater and sneak into a different movie that’s playing that day. It’s less of a sneak and more of a casual walk down the hallway since there was really no one else around. It must be vampire day at the theater, though, because that movie is _also _about vampires. This one, though is a bit more bearable as it’s one about a vampire fugitive who falls in love with a patient in a mental institute.

After that, not wanting the date to end, Alice suggests they walk around the mall, and while Jasper doesn’t look thrilled at the potential _shopping _aspect part, he still lets her take his hand and hold onto it while they venture in and out of stores. She even limits herself to only _one _new dress. Overall, she counts it as a win.

At the end of the night, they sit in his car, in her parents’ driveway. He has one of his ridiculously long arms around the back of her seat and she is turned slightly towards him. When he starts to lean in, she clears her throat.

“You should know,” she begins. “That I don’t kiss on the first date.”

“That’s quite alright,” he replies, leaning back. “Just an excuse to take you on a second one, right?”

She laughs, then quickly leans across and presses her lips to his unsuspecting cheek.

“Hey!” he protests, but she’s already out the door.

“Next time, Jasper Whitlock. Maybe next time!”

**5 years from now…**

She’s on her couch, eating through an entire bowl of popcorn. She’s sure she looks like a hot mess, but she _just _got the baby to stop crying. Which is why she jumps about a foot in the air and then curses when her phone starts ringing.

“Fucking fuck _shit_,” Maria hisses as she finally locates her phone where it had fallen in between the couch cushions. “What?” she snaps, answering the offending device.

“Turn on the TV!” A voice screeches. “Local news.”

“Shh!” she shushes, afraid her obnoxious friend’s voice will somehow wake the baby.

She clicks on the TV and immediately lowers the volume a little bit. She looks over to where the baby is sleeping, but he doesn’t seem to have been disturbed. She turns her attention back to the TV.

_“Local band, 100 Monkeys, is back! To visit their home town and perform!” _

Blah, blah, blah. Maria resists the urge to roll her eyes, but try as she might, she can’t help it when her attention is caught when the camera pans over to one of the band members.

_Jasper Whitlock._

She knows _of _him, sure. The whole town did. Skipped the last year of high school to go tour with his band. Apparently, they had done well.

She watches as the camera moves away from the outdoor stage being set up and to the, admittedly, pretty impressive crowd already forming.

_BITE ME, JASPER!_

The sign is hard to ignore and not so easy to read when it’s being waved wildly by some girl, Maria notices. When she looks harder, she swears she recognizes her.

“She always was weird,” Jessica chirps into her ear.

“Who?” Maria, cradles the phone between her shoulder and ear, and goes to grab an old yearbook.

“Alice Cullen, who else?”

Oh.

“Is that who that girl was?”

“Waving that ridiculous sign? Yes. I swear, I don’t know why they’re still dating. I think I’ve seen her with a sign that says ‘JASPER SUCKS’ before.”

“Hm,” Maria voices, non-committedly.

She finds the picture she was looking for. There, voted ‘most likely to run away together’ is a picture of Jasper, ex silent, moody, nerd and current guitar player for the band _100 Monkeys_; and Alice Cullen, ex and, apparently, current eccentric freak. Even though this is her first time seeing him in _years_, and it’s through a television screen, she swears Jasper looks _taller_. she’s not sure how that’s even possible, since she remembers him already being _very _tall back in school.

And Alice, has cut her hair apparently. But, other than that, she doesn’t really remember too much more about her. It seems _she _isn’t the only one who didn’t grow at all since school.

“Well?” Jessica’s voice interrupts her reminiscing.

“Huh?” Maria asks, distracted.

“Are you coming with us?”

“Yeah, sure,” she replies, not paying attention.

“Great! We’re already on our way!”

“What? Where?”

“To your house.” She sounds annoyed, but Maria couldn’t care less.

“Where are we going?”

“Maria!” Jessica reprimands. “To the concert! Keep up!”

“Wait!”

The line goes dead.

Maria groans and resists the urge to throw the phone at the TV. As if it wants to taunt her more, the TV just shows a solo clip of Jasper in the middle of what seems to be some guitar warm up. She watches as his fingers move expertly up and down the neck of the guitar. Has he always played guitar? She can’t remember.

.

Hours later, and after a quick call to find a babysitter, and maybe some drinks in her system. Maria finds herself front and center at the _100 Monkeys _concert. In her own town.

She already misses her couch.

The alcohol must be making her more tolerant, though, because when another friend of hers elbows her a little _too _hard in the side, she just resumes her jumping up and down with the rest of the crowd.

She’s dressed up for the occasion – if they were calling it that – wearing something more than just jeans and a t-shirt, an outfit that had become the norm since the baby. She had dug up a skirt she hadn’t worn since high school and attempted to do something different with her hair as well. It felt nice to be out, she had to admit. Even the thought of returning to non-stop crying and a dirty diaper wasn’t putting a damper on her mood.

She’s just drunk enough to admit that before her friends had shown up to drag her to this concert, she had spent her time stalking this boy she used to know on social media. Unfortunately for her, it did not seem like he was a big user of any platform. His Instagram had less than twenty photos on it, and most of them consisted of just scenery that she assumed he’d taken during his time on the road. There was one picture of him and Alice, but it was taken a year prior. And he hadn’t even tagged her in the picture. So, who _really _knew if they were still together.

Not that she was at all _interested _in this boy she could barely remember from high school. She was just saying, Jessica wasn’t the best fact collector.

Still, when the emcee had first introduced the band, she had found herself eagerly looking for Jasper. At first, she thought the first guy who had come on was him – he had been tall as well. But now she knew that was Peter, their front man.

Jasper had walked in after him.

He looked nothing like he did in the year books, that’s for sure. He _was _taller. Which again, not sure how that’s possible. He was wearing a simple black tank top with some skinny jeans. She’s not sure how strenuous it was to play guitar, but she could tell even from her spot in the crowd that his arms had some muscle to them.

She did _not_ remember him looking like this in high school.

“He is so hot!” Lauren screams in her ear. She doesn’t exactly know which boy her friend is talking about, but she nods nonetheless.

.

The group doesn’t bother trying to rush out since now their place in front of the crowd has become the very back of a mad rush.

“We should try to find the guys and get a picture with them!” Lauren says excitedly.

“I wonder if Alice will be around,” Jessica muses. “She seems so nice!”

Maria rolls her eyes, but follows her friends as they presumably start looking for where they think the band is hiding out.

“They are cute,” Lauren agrees. “And their Instagram pictures are always adorable.”

“I didn’t see anything on his Instagram,” Maria finds herself saying before she can really think it through. “How do you guys know if they’re even still together?”

“What? No, you have to go on Alice’s page if you want any recent pictures. Here, look.” Jessica taps her phone a couple times and then hands it to her.

“Wow,” Maria says. “That’s, a lot of photos.”

Whereas Jasper had less than thirty photos, Alice has… a lot more.

‘_Jasper’s crazy #1 fan. Or girlfriend. Depends on who you ask.’ _Maria reads in the bio section of the girl’s profile.

Well, at least she’s blunt about it.

The most recent picture looks to be one of Jasper she assumes, taken from side stage. She scrolls down and is only slightly disappointed to see that it does, indeed, appear, they are still together. And have been since – she scrolls down an embarrassingly long amount – well, high school. When she clicks on some of them, she notices that Jessica has liked the majority of them.

Traitor.

She’s interrupted from her thoughts from the sound of her friends’ excited squealing.

“That’s the camper!”

Camper?

Maria’s confused until she looks in the direction that caught her friends’ attention, and sure enough, there is a little camper parked next to a large closed off tent. Lauren takes the lead as they start walking, a little warily, towards the site. Not sure if anyone’s really going to kick them out – the band isn’t _that _big – they all keep eyes out.

“Do we just go in?”

“The door’s open.”

“What door?”

Not sure what the protocol is, Lauren knocks on the tent side a bit, making it rustle.

The not-really-a-door opens a few seconds later to reveal Peter. He looks at them for a second before smiling. “Fans?”

“Peter!” Jessica says excitedly. “We went to school together. Remember me, Jessica?” Before he can answer, she’s walking on in.

“Nice to meet you,” Peter says, unbothered. “Guys, we’ve got fans! Or friends!”

Maria quickly scans the inside surroundings. There’s two other guys milling about the tent space. And sitting on a little couch in the middle is Jasper. And Alice. Who quickly jumps up from her spot on the boy’s lap and approaches the group.

“I’m Alice!” she says excitedly, and before Maria can move back, the other girl is hugging her enthusiastically. “You smell like beer,” she says, as if smelling like beer is the best thing in the world. “Are you a fan?” she goes to hug the other girls.

Maria looks over at Jasper who is taking advantage of his now unoccupied lap to get a water out of the mini fridge. “You could say that.” She wants to know if he recognizes her.

“Peter says we went to school together?”

“You probably don’t remember us, we only had, like, one class together. But you were always so funny!” Jessica lies.

“Right,” Alice replies, and Maria can tell that at least she had no clue who they were.

**Before the show…**

“It’s so good to be back,” Alice trills, swinging her and Jasper’s arm between them.

Jasper raises his arm and twirls her because he can tell she wants to be twirled. He’s good like that.

“This place really hasn’t changed too much,” he comments, looking around at the one and only large park this town has ever had. There were no new trees, no new benches, the fountain still appeared to not have had any water run in it.

“Cool, right?” Alice says happily. “How this place is still the same but we’re so different!”

“You’re still weird!” Peter calls from behind them.

Both she and Jasper flip him off.

There’s still a few hours before the concert, but they’ve been told that the local news wants to come early to do a piece on them. She won’t be in it, obviously, since she’s not actually part of the band. Just a groupie.

_(“I think you’re a little more than a groupie,” Jasper points out._

_“Please, let me have my fun, Jazz.”)_

“Do you think you guys will see anyone you know?” Thomas, their drummer asks enthusiastically. This is his first time visiting their town, she remembers.

“Probably,” Jasper says, pushing his sunglasses further up on his face. “This town is so small.”

“Small town, small people,” Peter says, eyeing Alice.

Years later, and he still hasn’t gotten over her height apparently.

“Excuse you,” she says.

“Yes, Peter,” Jasper says, “Excuse you.”

Peter just shrugs. “I think Jasper was the very tall exception.”

“Dude, you’re basically just as tall,” Thomas points out. Bless him, really, Alice thinks.

“Anyway, moving on,” Peter says. “Are we getting drunk before this interview or not?”

“Absolutely not,” Jasper reprimands.

“Okay, Dad,” Peter scoffs.

.

They get their tent set up, complete with a small couch, a mini fridge full of water and soda, a table full of snacks, and some alcohol – which they are not drinking until _after _the show, thank you very much, Peter.

“Make sure that’s not out when they come for the interview,” Alice reprimands.

“Sure thing,” Emmett calls.

“You sure you don’t want to hang out here?” Jasper tries again.

“Well, I could,” Alice muses. “But there’s no room to wave my sign back here.”

“Hm,” Jasper indulges. “That is true.”

“Can’t deprive the public of your creation.”

“Guys, they’re here!” Thomas announces.

“I better get going. Look pretty for the cameras,” Alice says, leaning up to give him a kiss. He still has to bend down to make it easier.

“That’s gonna be hard,” Jasper mumbles. “You’re much better at that than I am.”

“I am,” she agrees.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re both very pretty,” Thomas says. “Let’s go, they’re waiting on us.”

Alice rolls her eyes but smiles. “See you later,” she says, already heading off to join the crowd. “I’ll be back stage after the show ends!”

“Later,” Jasper says.

He must not move much, though, because a second later, she hears Peter this time.

“Dude, come on, time to go!”

He’s still holding the ‘o’ sound when she leaves the tent.

**A day later…**

The next day for their second performance, he notices that she’s there again. He didn’t notice the other day since he didn’t even think to look. Other than Alice, this place wasn’t very memorable to him. Just the town they had left behind for bigger and better things.

He can’t help but laugh to himself. Already looking past Maria, Jasper starts looking for his girlfriend instead. Alice liked to watch from the crowd sometimes, instead of the side of the stage.

_(“To have the full concert experience, Jasper! Why else?”)_

As usual he spots the large sign – complete with glittery red letters – before he actually sees the smaller girl.

_BITE ME, JASPER_

He can’t help but smile. She always had been kinky. Not that he was really going to complain. He winks at her, causing the whole group of girls in that area to scream a little louder. He watches as Alice boos him, but then blows him a kiss. He rolls his eyes.

Sometimes he really couldn’t believe his luck.

It was funny, to see a person who – in hindsight – represented such an insignificant part of his past just meters away from someone who _had_ been a significant part of that same time, and still was a large presence in his present - and hopefully his future as well.

Life was funny like that.

A few songs later, and feeling a little devious, he gives the next song’s signal. The band starts turning.

“So, my girlfriend helped me write this one,” Jasper begins. And the crowd screams as they recognize both his regular introduction and the opening chords. He’s pretty sure Alice really didn’t remember the girl when she introduced herself the other day. But she would now.

“It’s about a girl we used to know.”

**Author's Note:**

> **me:** yeah, i'm not really a fan of all!human au fics  
**also me:** writes a 4k all!human au fic
> 
> whoops..
> 
> anyway! even though i did not post the full fic over on tumblr, you should definitely check out [the post](https://tinybutmightyalice.tumblr.com/post/188895784076/fic-can-i-make-it-any-more-obvious-4k) i made for it, scroll to the end, and click the links at the bottom to see some old pics of jackson that definitely fit the mood of this fic.
> 
> thank you for reading! how ridiculous was this??? (answer: very)


End file.
